Choices in Life

Thou shalt not think of a blue tomato! Chances are you did exactly that, perhaps thinking of a red tomato and coloring it blue in your imagination. This is the problem with language and the mind. You can’t “not think” something mentioned. In order not to think of a blue tomato, you have to think of a tomato. And once you do that, how can you not think of it?

This also poses a challenge that many parents experience. Noisy children are often told not to make noise, or “don’t run on the street” or “don’t leave crumbs on the table.” Their minds can’t process “don’t”: only the action is registered, so they continue to make noise, run on the street or leave crumbs on the table.

Sports players also go through this. While giving themselves a pep talk during a match, they might say to themselves, “don’t net the ball”, or “don’t miss the basket.” The result is they net the ball or miss the basket. Their minds direct their actions toward that outcome.

So what do the Ten Commandments have to do with this? You may believe in their divinity or otherwise, they are something every decent society aspires to. And yet, they are violated frequently. Perhaps it is they way they are worded. “Thou shalt not” is ignored, and the mind registers what one is commanded not to do! And that is what a person ends up doing. Perhaps they need to be worded using NLP to be more effective.

Which begs the question: how do you tell someone not to smoke?

“The Naked Chef” was a cookery program appearing on BBC television. The lady living in the flat next door to me in London once told me she never saw that program — how could someone be naked and cook on TV?  The program dealt with cooking stripped bare (sorry Sir Richard Branson) and not how the chef appeared.

While this is something harmless enough, think of when you act on assumptions. What  results do you get when you act on assumption? Next time take a moment to get evidence before deciding what to do.

Rush rush rush.  Adrenaline pumping.  Will I get out of the office in time to find a park and meet Kelly for lunch?  Oh no, the phone is ringing…”Yes, OK, I’ll get on to it this afternoon.”  Quick, duck out now.  Ahhhh…relief.  Jump in the car, now where am I going?  OK.  Oh no, the traffic.  Right, there it is.  Where am I going to park?  I should have caught a taxi!  Ok, I’ll just squeeze in here.  One hour parking…I won’t be longer than one hour.  So much to do so I won’t be staying long.  Just a quick drink and entrée then back to the office.  Great…here’s the restaurant.  There are the girls…air kisses…sitting down…ordering drinks …  Relieved to be here but must remember to leave within the hour….

This was the story of my life.  How on earth could I fit my life between my work commitments?  Every year, one of my dear friends, Kelly, celebrated her birthday by having a girls lunch and I had to attend.  I truly wanted to but it was such a hassle, and I was always the first to leave.  The other women didn’t work or if they did, like Kelly, they would take the day off, to ensure their lunch was a long leisurely one.  But not me – I was needed at work!  I was responsible and had a strong work ethic, plus I loved my job even though it was becoming all-consuming and my social and family life were suffering.

Then I hired a coach….we worked well together, we clicked.  Until she asked me to take one day off work.  My birthday!  I couldn’t.  Yes I could, she encouraged.  We had a number of conversations about this request and eventually I saw that indeed I did have a choice and I could.  I put in my annual leave form early and told my manager.  Sure, it was months away but that was our plan.  No matter how urgent, important or crucial the work was, on my birthday I was not going to work.

So that year I celebrated my birthday differently.  I slept in and then enjoyed breakfast with Kelly at a local café.  We relaxed, read the papers, chatted and had fun.  Off to my hairdresser’s to unwind as my head was massaged, my hair was washed, cut and styled, I flicked through magazines and drank herbal infusions.  A leisurely window shop before lunch with some other friends at new café on the park.  That afternoon I walked the dogs and then had a snooze on the sofa.  My husband came home and cooked me a delicious birthday dinner and we spent quality time together.  What a wonderful day.  Thanks coach!

(This is a guest post by Belinda Merry, and I have had the good fortune of having Belinda as a mentor. Belinda is a Master Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation.  She specialises in inspiring organisational employees and small business owners to have increased sustainable energy.  Her unique approach of discovering and designing your WorkStyle creates an ascending spiral of continuous choice and sustainable energy.  work + lifestyle = WorkStyle^®

Visit  www.merrymentality.com.au or contact Belinda on +61 3 5338 8782 or at belinda@merrymentality.com.au)

http://www.blogworld.com/2010/10/13/the-coaching-doctors-advice-for-blogworld/

Focus on outcome of time spent, not on being busy.

“There is no try; there is do or not do.”  (Yoda, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back)

We tend to let other things take precedence. Saying I’ll try means we either have no real intention of doing something, or we feel it is not worth our time or effort, but we may do it some time.

What do you choose to make important? Read the rest…